Modern Family: 10 Funniest Phil'sosophies

When Haley goes to college in Modern Family, Phil gives her a book of life mottos called Phil'sosophies. The advice is hilarious but also profound.

In the fourth season of Modern Family, Phil and Claire pack up Haley's things and move her into college. It was a big day for the Dunphy clan because no one imagined Haley would make it there. Everyone was filled with jitters but Phil and Claire were prepared in their own ways: Claire gave Haley a box of condoms while Phil wrote a book called Phil'sosophy.

In his book, he wrote things Haley needed to remember to get through life unscathed. These are mottos that Phil lives by and has preached throughout various episodes. Haley thought the book was weird at first but ended up smiling while reading it before bed. It looks like Phil has some pretty unique philosophies...

10 "Dance Until Your Feet Hurt, Sing Until Your Lungs Hurt, Act Until You're William Hurt."

This life motto is very Phil Dunphy. Using a play on words is right up his alley. It's actually surprising he didn't use a play on words for actor Kevin Bacon. Nevertheless, William Hurt has been in movies like Into The Wild, A History of Violence, Broadcast News, and much more. Haley is used to acting a certain way to get herself out of trouble, so this advice isn't bad. If only she remembered this philosophy when she got arrested and kicked out of college...

9 "Take A Lesson From Parakeets. If You're Ever Feeling Lonely, Just Eat In Front Of A Mirror."

This advice is hilarious but rather sad. Haley was starting fresh and going to a school where she didn't know anyone. She's used to being the popular girl with multiple friends and boyfriends to fall back on, but in college, she was starting at the bottom.

Seeing Haley eat alone in her school's cafeteria was a big change for viewers — and quite frankly, rather heartbreaking. It's doubtful Haley would be able to eat in front of a mirror without admiring her hair or makeup but this is advice Alex could have used when she went to Caltech.

8 "Key To A Good Birthday? Low Expectations."

To be fair, this exact advice isn't in his book. This philosophy took its place: "The most amazing things that can happen to a human being will happen to you if you just lower your expectations." It appears that Phil has had some heartbreaks over the years from having high expectations and he didn't want Haley to suffer the same pain.

In the episode "Game Changer," Phil had high expectations for his birthday: an iPad, a family party, a cake, the works — but he was crushed when he learned none of that was happening. As a dad, he's simply passing on life's lessons to his first daughter.

7 "Watch A Sunrise At Least Once A Day."

Phil wants his children to watch a sunrise at least once a day. This is hilarious because the sun does, in fact, rise only once a day. His children are also never up early enough to watch the sunrise —except for Alex if she's studying.

Seeing Luke read his dad's Phil'sosophies is charming because he's a mini-Phil himself. He probably didn't even realize the sun only rose once a day.

6 "If You Love Something, Set It Free. Unless It's A Tiger."

The quote "If you love something, set it free" has been around for centuries. It's one of those mottos that's incredibly hard to do because no one wants to leave something they love. Phil learns this the hard way when Alex goes to school. He realizes Luke is growing up too and he's getting to that age where hanging with his dad isn't cool anymore. Phil stumbles upon duck eggs and decides to raise them himself as a way to be a new dad again. It's not until the ducks are older that he realizes he needs to let the birds out of the nest and spread their wings — just like his children.

5 "If You Get Pulled Over For Speeding, Tell The Policeman Your Spouse Has Diarrhea."

It's not known if Phil has ever used this philosophy but considering he put it in his book for his children to live by, he most likely did. The look on Claire's face says it all. What's humiliating to Claire isn't necessarily humiliating to Phil. In fact, there are plenty of things Claire is embarrassed by when it comes to Phil's personality, but others find him hilarious and charming. She ends up feeling bad that she second-guesses him and realizes she's in the wrong. She did this in the episode "Strangers On A Treadmill" when she hid Phil's notecards for the SCARB awards.

4 "Marry Someone Who Looks Sexy While Disappointed."

As many times as Claire judges Phil for his choices, she obviously loves and adores her husband. She's made it clear in a few episodes that they have a healthy romantic life and she becomes tense when they don't make love enough.

Seeing as how Claire is both beautiful and disappointed regularly, Phil followed his own philosophy. The only thing is, it doesn't seem like Haley did. It's not often that Dylan is disappointed. Confused, yes. But disappointed? No.

3 "You Can Tell A Lot About A Person By His Biography."

"You can tell a lot about a person from his biography" is self-explanatory, which is why it's hilarious. Phil definitely talked these philosophies over with his own dad before publishing them for his children, because this kind of humor is their style. Gloria seemed unimpressed when reading Phil's words to live by, which only made the moment funnier.

2 "When Life Gives You Lemonade, Make Lemons. Life Will Be All Like 'What?!'"

This has to be one of the most quoted lines throughout the entire series. The way Phil reads it is genius. It's clear Phil found this expression hilarious and wanted his children to have the same playful outlook on life.

Phil is the ultimate dreamer. He works hard but he doesn't do anything unless he loves it. He's a great realtor because he loves everything there is about real estate. And he's a great dad because he acts like a kid himself. He even told Luke that if he could go into another lifetime, he would be roommates with Luke so they could do everything together. His love for life (and lemonade) is infectious.

1 "Never Be Afraid To Reach For The Stars, Because Even If You Fall, You'll Always Be Wearing A Parentchute™."

Whenever Phil thinks of a new invention or word, he adds the ™ at the end for the full effect. He wants the world to know that it was an independent thought and that he's working on trademarking it all.

Over the years, Phil and Luke have created some pretty wild inventions. There was the pancake flipper, the head-scratcher, the wear-chair... Phil is a man who wears many hats and wants his children to never stop reaching for the stars.

NEXT: Modern Family: Phil Dunphy's 10 Wildest Inventions, Ranked

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