This Backhanded Compliment Is A Major Red Flag, According To A Dating Expert

As dating coach Ali, aka Finding Mr. Height, revealed on TikTok, one of the most prevalent backhanded compliments, or negs, that might go over your head if you're not paying close enough attention is "you're not like other girls." At first glance, it seems kind of nice, because the idea is that you're special. However, glimpse just underneath the surface and the implications are pretty worrying. As Ali wondered aloud, "What's wrong with other girls?" This so-called "compliment" is "putting you on a pedestal, while putting down everyone else they've ever dated." Surely it's much better to be appreciated for your own individual qualities, rather than being used to put other women down? Funnily enough, this idea is something actor and singer Hailee Steinfeld memorably contended with in her song "Most Girls." 

The music video actually starts with the line "you're just not like most girls" (via YouTube), which causes her character to essentially run screaming from the guy in question (rightly so). In an interview with The Guardian, Steinfeld explained, "I felt that we've been accepting the compliment 'You're not like most girls' for a very long time. I have. I feel like there's been this golden standard or rule that in order to be special you have to be different to other women." Thankfully, she sees things changing in real time with her generation, pointing out how women are "banding together" to fight back against such sexist norms.